someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
