Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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