It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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