A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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