You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
