it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
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