dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
