I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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