Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
