Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
NoShamevember. You game?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
