Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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