Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
