I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize