This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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