I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
