you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Holy sore nipples Batman
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
