M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
