id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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