Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
