I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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