walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
3pm strippers are depressing
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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