wat bout pragnant strippers??
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
