you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
