I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
