She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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