I think I am morally bankrupt
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize