If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
