can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
