You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
