i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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