Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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