I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
