I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
