am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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