my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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