Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
