I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
