i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
