I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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