How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
