your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
