Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
