Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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