I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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