Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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