i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize