capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
