I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
