I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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