Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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