just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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