Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
