dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
