I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
