I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
