shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize