I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
