closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
