The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
