Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Drunk is a universal language darling
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
