I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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