Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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