Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
