I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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