saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize