It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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