is wine microwaveable?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
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