i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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