ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I checked into jail on foursquare
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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