OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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