Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
