i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He uses pillows to masturbate.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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