and she was petting her beer can
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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