I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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