i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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