I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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