mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
