I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
