i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
My ATM looks so different sober.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
