i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
