u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
