You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
