how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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