she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
