How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I love having hate sex.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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