the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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