i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
