You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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