i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
