she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
