But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
