Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
