she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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