I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
