U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize