In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
