My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
