see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
