its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
