ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
