strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
we're making bets on your personal life
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
third nipple confirmed
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
