I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
