yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
