There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
