Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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