I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
