I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
