so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
