No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
