that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
