Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
