we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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