While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
