I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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