well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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