I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
