frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
