i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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