More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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