I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
