Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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