Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
